Patrolman Pat

from A Hisstory by The Rhythm Section

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lyrics

well i’ve been zoo security guard since 1955
and never have animals gotten loose
well there was an armadillo back in 1961
and in 1968 there was a goose
those two were just exceptions to a very solid rule:
that patrolman pat is always there
animals in their cages are the only things I see
and i assure you these rumors are just a scare
sir let me confide in you that I sometimes have my doubts
about my ability to guard the zoo
but then i stop and look around and you know i am inspired
by this wondrous animal kingdom built by you
now i hear you’ve heard some other guards have heard about the snakes
and you needn’t take the news with any salt
indeed it seems the snakes are free and taking over the zoo
but i assure you sir, it’s not my fault

my name’s patrolman pat
and as sure as i am of that
my men will bring these snakes back to their tanks
yes i’m patrolman pat
and I will eat my hat
if i can’t get them back and win your thanks

alright men here’s the plan we’ll split in teams of five
we’ll each go in a cardinal direction
you, you, you, and you with me, we’ll head towards the north
break into their nest without detection
the five of us, we’re alpha team, we’ll see if we can find
a leader at the heart of the revolution
we’ll apprehend the troublemaker, everyone grab tasers
we’ll see if we can find a good solution
but just in case we don’t come back all of you be ready
after all, total war’s a possibility
snakes are venomous creatures and they're unafraid to bite
so prepare for all sorts of hostility
get ready men, this won’t be pretty, some of us will die
but i’ve got utmost faith in all of you
when it comes to me of course, patrolman pat, the head zookeep
i’m willing to give my life for this zoo

my name’s patrolman pat
and as sure as i am of that
my men will bring these snakes back to their tanks
yes i’m patrolman pat
and I will eat my hat
if i can’t get them back and win your thanks

credits

from A Hisstory, track released July 19, 2011

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